The Villains
by ReaperOfShadows
Summary: Go behind the scenes to find out what REALY happens in the villains lair. Rated M for strong language
1. Chapter 1

**-Episode 1: Welcome to Hell-**

-Somewhere in the abandoned UNSC bass, High Ground-

"Welcome to da beach, mon!" said a brown Spartan, known as Dr. Death

"For the _last _time, we are NOT IN JAMAICA!" replied the yellow Spartan, known as Spoon.

"Fuck you, mon!" said Dr. Death after a long silence

And the next moment all you could here was a shotgun going off and Spoon screaming "Son of a Bitch!"

"What the bloody hell happened now?" asked a gray Spartan in full EVA armor, known as Sigma, as he walked around the corner.

"Oh nothing, mon…" replied Dr. Death

"Let me guess. Spoon "told you off"…"

"…Maybe…"said Dr. Death

"Oh for the love of the queen. Death, you got to stop harming your team-mates, or we'll never take over the bloody world"

"That be Doctor Death, mon."

"*Sigh* What the bloody ever. Anyways, did you finish the machine?" asked Sigma

"That I did, mon. Follow me." Replied Dr. Death

-5 minuets later-

-Valhalla Cannon-

"Check it out mon. I call it "The Really *pause* Big *pause* Death *pause* Ray *pause* Anator"!" said Dr. Death.

"The Really Big Death Rayanator? Don't you think that's a little, I don't know, cliché?" asked Spoon

"Fuck you, mon!" yelled Dr. Death before he shot Spoon…again.

"Ohgodnotagain"

"It was a last minute notice, so get of my case. Ok, mon?"

"Oh god, I hurt in places that don't exist…" moaned Spoon

"Oh suck it up Spoon." Said the gray Spartan. "So Death, how dose this…er…thing, work? That is if it even _dose _work…"

"You say something, mon?"

"Er…no"

"Alllrrriiiighty then. Well all you have to do mon, is press dis here button, *presses button* And in one minute the world will be ours…"

"Woot!" said Spoon excitedly

"Whoa, whoa, whoa wait a minute…why do we villains always put a countdown on our doomsday devices? I mean it just gives the bloody good guys time to stop us. Why not just fire the bloody thing _now _and get it over with?" protested Sigma

"Oh you're just worried 'cause you're gay." Said Spoon

"For the _last _time I'm ENGLISH!"

"Riiiiigght" said Spoon, before Sigma meleed him with his Brute Shot. (Wow, Spoon dies a lot. Doesn't he?)

"Anyways, I wouldn't be surprised if the they would burst through that bloody door right there and stopped us." Said Sigma

Just then, the door busted open and good guys started poring in.

"Go, go, go!" yelled one of the good guys

"See didn't I te-" said Sigma before he got meleed

As one of the good guys through a frag grenade at his feet, Spoon looked down at it and said "Ah shi-", before it exploded

"Well mon, we're boned." Said Dr. Death before he through down a Trip Mine and stepping on it.

One of the good guys ran up to the "The Really Big Death Raysanator"'s control panel and destroyed it, stopping the machine. He turned around to his fellow marines and said

"Good job marines! Now lets head back to the bass for milk and cookies!"

All the goody guys cheered simultaneously and leafed.

"I blame you all…" added Sigma

**-END-**

**A.N: If you haven't guessed this already, Dr. Death is the psycho Jamaican who makes all the machines, Sigma is the British guy who no one seems to understand, and Spoon….well…he's the retard that dies in every episode.**

**P.s-Originally this story was actually a script for a machinima that I was making with my friends, but was trashed because Carazo had to move. So I had to change a few things to make it a story, so it may not be as good as I hoped. But if you want me to re-write this as the original script, just tell me… **


	2. Chapter 2

A.N: I forgot to mention this last episode, but Spoon has a high pitched, nasally voice.

**-Episode 2: Banshee-**

-UNSC Base, The Pit-

"Sir, we got activity from the bad guys. It seems that they are making a giant metal purple bird that shoots fireballs!" said one of the good guys.

"Oh deer god. We are all going to die!" said their leader

"Ok, first of, it's called a banshee. And second, we have them too!" said another good guy

"Sorry, can't hear you. Listening to my music. *Oh just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world. She took a midnight train goin' anywhere*

"Why do I even bother…"

(((Meanwhile)))

-Valhalla Cannon-

"Hello people!" yelled Spoon

"Shut the fuck up, mon!" replied Dr. Death before firing his shotgun

"Haha, you missed!" taunted Spoon before Dr. Death shot him with his shotgun again, "Fuck!"

"When will you ever learn Spoon?" said Sigma

"Well at least I'm not gay" said Spoon, before Sigma crouched down and meleed him with his Brute Shot. "Ow!"

"So what do you have to show us today Death?" asked Sigma

"Ah yes. Please walk this way, mon." said Dr. Death. "I call it, "The Really Fucking Big Purple Bird That Shoots Fireballs"!"

"I thought it was called a Banshee?" said Spoon. After another long silence Dr. Death shot Spoon…again, "Son of a-!"

"And exactly _how _will this help us take over the bloody world? The good guys have them too." Said Sigma

"What?" asked Dr. Death in surprise

"Yah, they have…er…Purple Birds, too."

"I'll kill tose bastards!" yelled Dr. Death before storming off.

"Hey Spoon"

"Yah"

"Dare you to drive that"

"I don't know. I'm not sure Dr. Death will-"

"Give you a nickel." Interrupted Sigma

"Ewe, shiny thing! You got your self a deal!" exclaimed Spoon, before hoping into the Banshee.

Just then, Dr. Death came back to the bass to pick up his gun. "Sorry, mon. Forgot my Rocket-Launcherinator" He said as he picked up a rocket launcher. He then turned around to go back to the Good Guy HQ, but not before noticing the Banshee was gone.

"Wait, mon. Where is da machine?"

"Oh, Spoon took it." Replied Sigma

"I'll kill tat bastard!" yelled Dr. Death, as he ran towards the balcony deck of their base.

"Spoon, what the fuck, mon! Why did ya take da purple bird?"

"'Cause I wanted a nickel!"

Dr. Death turned around and just looked at Sigma

"I have no bloody idea what he's talking about…" Replied Sigma

Dr. Death turned back around. "Get the hell out of there so I can kill ya, mon!

"But, my nickel…" replied Spoon.

"Oh, well. I tried."  
"What, what?" asked Sigma

"Yah mon, I already did everything I could think of."

"But, aren't you going to do something?"

"Nah, mon. Besides, da systems are highly advanced." Said Dr. Death. "He'll never figure out how ta do its highly complicated maneuvers."

Just then Spoon did a barrel roll, and then a back flip behind Dr. Death.

"Or how ta use its weapon systems." Dr. Death continued, as Spoon flew back down and fired the duel plasma cannons, then the Fuel Rod cannon.

"And face it mon, he'll get bored eventually."

"I'm never going to get bored of this!" Spoon cried out.

After a couple of minutes of Spoon flying around like the _idiot _he is, and by idiot I mean flying around in circles over and over again, he called over the radio and asked a surprisingly _smart _question.

"Hey Death, this Purple Bird is really cool and all…butt how am I so post to see where I'm-" was all he was able to get out before he ran into a wall and blew up…(hopefully he doesn't re-spawn)

"Huh, I wonder if this has anything to do with tat extra piece had anyting ta do with it?" Dr. Death asked himself.

Both men looked to their left and saw a sheet of glass leaning up against the wall.

"Isn't that a windshield?" asked Sigma.

"Oh so _that's _what that is, mon!" exclaimed Dr. Death.

Just then sigma burst into laughter, and Death said…

"Fuck you, mon!" …before shooting Sigma in the leg with his shotgun.

'Bloody hell!"

**-END-**


End file.
